this ain’t food, but

WHAT UP PARTY PEOPLEZ?!

Been a while – too long, I’ll be the first to admit. ‘N I ain’t even coming at you with da straight tasty this time neither. Don’t get it wrong, I’m still gettin’ freaky in da kitchen like every day. But chu know, just slackin’ a bit – okay, okay, slackin’ harrrrrd on the whole blog thang.

BUT, I thought I should share this little holiday gem my boy Eddy Sizzla just threw down. So story goes, I’m in this secret santa this year with my sista’s familias, n I got my 9-year old niece, Lily Paige. I’m all like “shizzzz,what should I make her?” ‘n then this flyer from Mastermind hits my door and I see this……

‘N I’m like, “Sound activated dancing hair? Dayummmmmmn! I gots to cop dat!!”

But this secret santa is supposed to be handmade, you know? Luckily when I picked up my boy Eddy Sizzla, I realized he’s a dope rapper. So I was like beatboxin’ ‘n samplin dat – getting all freshie-fresh in Ableton n then Eddy dropped da truth. Check it out.

Merry christmas yo,
LamBERT

gangsta mac

Yo. What happens when you get a whole bunch of Gz together and you make a big ol’ macaroni casserole?

You get gangsta mac. That’s what happens.

time: couple hours
yield: serves 6-8 Gz
suggested tunage: when we cookin’ up da gangsta mac we probably listenin to this

Ingredients:
– a pound of bacon (thick cut yo)
– 2 big onions, diced
– 2 bunches of broccoli
– 2 red peppers
– big bag of macaroni noodles
– 2 or 3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
– some Parmesan cheese- 1/4 cup flour
– 2 to 3 cups milk
– butter
– salt and pepper . . . lots of both
– some bread crumbs
– some herbs (I think we used rosemary and thyme)

1. Start boiling a big pot of water for the macaroni.

2. Chop the bacon up into bite size pieces ‘n start frying it in a sauce-pot over medium heat. Stir it every now ‘n then ’til the bacon gets nice ‘n crisped.

yeeea, sexy gas range right there.

3. While the bacon is frying, chop up the broccoli into bite sized pieces. Then chop the red pepper. Lightly saute these in a bit of butter or oil a large pan over high heat – toss dat often. After a couple minutes they’ll look all vibrant ‘n shiz – all good, they done.

3. Cook your macaroni noodles ’til they done. Don’t overcook them. When they done rinse ’em well with hot water.

4. Toss the macaroni in a big casserole dish or big roasting pan, add the sauted veggies.

some vibranticity right there.

5. The bacon is probably done now. Let it grease off on some paper towel or an ol’ egg carton or somethin but keep most of that bacon juice in the pot.

Mmmmm….

6. Add all the diced onion to that liquidified bacon phat. Awww yea, now we talking. Fry the onions nice over medium heat. Add a bunch of salt and pepper.

7. When the onions are all cooked ‘n waftin’ right it’s time to make tha sauce. I think this is called a “roo” or some shiz like that. To do this you wanna add a bunch of flour to the onions ‘n bacon phat. Add maybe about a third cup. Maybe more if you have a lot of phat in that pan. Whisk it in real nice until it’s kinda pasty ‘n shiz.

8. Take it off the heat and add the milk. Put it back on high heat and whisk it to a simmerin’. After a few minutes it’ll thicken nicely. Now give da roo a taste – you probably need to add a bunch of salt and a bunch of pepper. Flavour it with other spices if you feel so inclined – but truth is, it’s hard to beat that tasty salt ‘n peppa!

Oooooh yea. Gotta love it saucy!

9. Stir the sauce in with the macaroni, veggies and bacon in the roasting pan.

gotta make sure this casserole is fully sauced yo.

10. Hit it wit da grated chedda.

11. At this point we blended up some rosemary and thyme with some bread crumbs. Then we sprinkled da parm and this herbed concoction simultaneously in an act of kitchen thuggin’ – ooooooh yea.

G’d straight yo.

12. And then, of course, we grated some butter on dat.

‘n people wonder why my shiz so tasty . . .

13. Throw it in the oven for a while, until the cheese and top are all nice ‘n browned ‘n crunchy – you know what it is.

14. Set the table with various hot sauces (a touch of ketchup is nice too) ‘n MOW DAT.

Much love,
Lambert

Street cred:
– Ok, ok. I gotta give it up to my pops, cuz this dope invention is a spin-off of a mac dish he used to make when I was a youngin. Except we all called it poopla . . . yea gangsta mac is way better.
– Also gotta give it up to the cedar/mill crew – these are the homiez I’m living with this year. Anyways they all just a bunch of Gz helpin’ me cook up this shiz ‘n snap shots too. Big ups homiez!

Dr. Jager BBQ Sauce

 

Couple months ago I’m cruisin’ down the street ‘n I find a huge case of records. Most were garbage BUT I did snag 6 or 7 DISCO records – tiiiight. So then couple weeks ago I turned 25 ‘n naturally I’m like “Yeea, time for a chocolate disco party!” Cuz for reals what better way to celebrate?

Obviously it was hella-cool: I’m talking chocolate fondue (along with copious other chocolate), spicy cheezey fondue, hookah lounge in the bassment (underglow poppin’ everywhere) ‘n so much dancing all night long.

Anyways, I guess people know how much I like Dr. Pepper, cuz in the morning I realize my fridge is straight stocked yo – ‘n all these bottles is ’bout to go flat.

‘n I also had a bit of Jager kickin’ in my crystal.

So I made some Dr. Jager BBQ Sauce.

yield: ’bout a cup
time: an hour
suggested tunage: in the spirit of chocolate disco . . .

 

Ingredients:
– 2 cups Dr. Pepper
– 2 shots Jagermeister
– 2 Tbsp bacon phat
– 3 cloves Garlic, minced
– 1/2 an onion, minced
– 2 Tbsp. Worceshershire
– Sriracha to taste
– salt ‘n pepper to taste
– 2 Tbsp vinegar (I used apple cider)

1. Hit up a nice pot wit dat delicious Dr. Pepper. Crank da heat ‘n let it bubble ‘n boil for a while. Maybe 20 minutes, maybe an hour. It’ll get all nice ‘n sizzurp like.

2. In a separate pan, saute the minced garlic ‘n onion in that bacon phat. Yeeeea, get that shiz nice ‘n golden.

3. Add the golden garlic ‘n onion to the Dr. P-sizzurp. Add the rest of the ingredients. Bring that back to a simma simma. (WHO GOT DA KEEYS?!)

4. Let that cook for a while. Taste it up ‘n adjust if need be. Maybe throw some more salt or suga in it – it’s probs dope as is tho.

That’s it that’s all homie.

Now find something delicious to BBQ so you can smack dat sauce all over da place.

yo da recipe fo these dank ribs comin’ yo way soontimez!

Much love,
LamBERT

Street cred:
– Ahh jeepers I forget what sources I used on this bad-boy. I think I just looked up BBQ sauces on Foodgawker ‘n improvised off dat.

this ain’t food, but . . .

Yo check out this cookin’ show – my auntie Joyze linked it to me earlier today.

Hard to believe, but ‘pparently this shiz is legit. Part of a university TV station somewhere in the states thats supposed to teach all ’em Uni kids how to cook on the cheap.

 
Hahaha, whaaat?!

He’s got other recipes too.

cacao mouse – pimpin’ trix yo

Yea so a bunch of my homies in Nelson are into super healthy eating and hittin’ up ’em natural stimulants ‘n superfoods. Trust yo, you can get ’nuff energy from shiz like ginseng, maca root, hemp hearts ‘n other goodiez. Another great superfood is raw cacao – the bean that gives us that dank chocolate we all love.

Anyways, here’s a supafly way to get that cacao up in you – cacao mouse!

Yea, this shiz will get you straight buzzin’!

 

time: 5 minutes
yield: 2 cups of mouse
suggested tunage: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – Thrift Shop (hahahaha, so good)

Ingredients:
– one cup whipping cream
– 1/4 cup raw cacao powder (or less if you soft)
– splash of maple sizzurp

1. Whip up the cream with the cacao powder ‘n sizzurp.

Eat dis mouse on it’s own or with fruit, on cookies, cake ‘n pie, on thin pancakes, on pasta, or with pickles. Also, to my homeboyz – da fly hunnies will fo sheez get down with yo steez if you make ’em dis mouse (but maybe not so much wit pasta ‘n pickles).

Take care yo – PEACE,
Lambert

Street cred:
– Mad props to my next door neighbour Alexis for this recipe. Dude brought over some cacao mouse early on in our neighbourship with some canned pears ‘n I was like “shiiiz, this guy gots some fly kitchen maneuvers.”

fruit ‘n pecan muffins

Coffee’ on my veranda, the snow is fallin and my muffins breezin’ da lovely scents out my kitchen. Word up.

Anyways, yet another recipe out of the Whitewater Cookbook. Dope ass muffins with pecans ‘n fruit in ’em wit a killer streausel top.

yield: 12-18 muffins
time: an hour
suggested tunage: Easy Star All-stars – Billie Jean (unreal track)

Ingredients:

Streusel topping:
– 1/4 cup pecans, chopped ‘n toasted
– 1/4 cup flour
– 1/4 cup sugar
– 1/4 cup butter

Muffins:
– 3 eggs
– 1 1/2 tsp vanilla
– 1 cup veggie oil
– 2 cups brown sugar
– 2 cups flour
– 1/2 cup corn meal
– 1/2 cup oats
– 2 tsp baking soda
– 1/2 tsp baking powder
– 1/2 tsp cinnamon
– 1/2 tsp salt
– 1/2 tsp allspice
– 1/2 tsp nutmeg
– 2 1/2 cups diced fruit or berries (if using frozen, don’t thaw)
– 1/2 cup pecans, chopped ‘n toasted
1. Mash up the streusel toppings in a food processor – set aside.

2. Beat together eggs, oil, sugar ‘n vanilla ’til all thick ‘n foamy. Stir in the fruit ‘n nuts.

3. Hit up a next bowl with da dry ingredients. Add to the wet shiz ‘n mix ’til it’s nicely incorporated.

4. Spoon into greased muffin tins and sprinkle a nice amount of the streusel topping. Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes – until they done.

‘N yo, watch out dude – these muffins is madd sweet – honestly maybe more like a cupcake. If you ain’t into ’em super sweet muffs, maybe cut the sugar a lil’, or omit the streusel topping.

I tried making nice jumbo bakery style muthas, but it went a bit awry yo.

Oops.

Haha, peace!
Lambert

Street cred:
– Shelly Adams of the Whitewater cooks. Mad respect due.

this ain’t food, but

Holy smokes just found this video of some pros ripping up at Whitewater. Opens next weekend – can’t wait yo.

Baked ‘n bakin’ muffins. Comin’ yo way soon!

spring greens with maple balsamic vinaigrette

Yo so I’ve been straight jonezin for some sweet sticky greens lately. Fresh Tracks at the ski hill here boasts tons of supa-fresh salads, but it ain’t open just yet (countin’ the days dude). Anyways, I jacked a recipe right out the whitewater cookbook for this tasty salad. It’s got strawberries, caramelized pecans, nuff goat cheese and a steezy ol’ dressin’ . . .

. . . and a pimp-tip courtesy of my man Lions1 back in the 31 Charlie crew. Big ups!

mad props to my boy E-Flicka for gettin’ da picture sicka

Time: 45 minutes
Yield: serves 8
Suggested tunage: Del Tha Funkee Homosapien – If You Must

Ingredients:

Salad:
– 12 cups spring greens
– 1/2 cup crumbled goat cheese
– 3/4 cup pecans, caramelized
– 1 cup fresh strawberries, sliced

Vinaigrette:
– 1 Tbsp maple sizzurp
– 2 Tbsp balsamic vinegar
– 1 clove garlic, crushed
– 1 Tbsp sesame oil
– 1 tsp pepper
– 1/2 cup olive oil

1. Start by caramelizing the pecans. EZ dogg: spread ’em on a baking sheet and roast ’em at 350 until they start to turn brown. Remove and toss melted butter (so good) on ’em to coat. Sprinkle 2 tsp of sugar and 1 tsp salt – stir it up nice. Back in the oven for just a lil’ bit – til they crisp up but don’t burn ’em.

2. To make the vinaigrette, mix together the first 5 ingredients until they homo. Add the oil in a steady stream while stirring. If you got a bullet, just toss it all in. Bullets are tight.

3. Hit up a large salad bowl with the greens, cheese, pecans and strawberries. Use some nice salad tongs to toss the dressing in ‘n serve supa fresh.

yeeea check ’em strawberry skillz

PiMP TiP – Any playa out there wanting to get wit some tasty chica – throw down these salad skillz and you be legit. Ladies, if you trying to impress a dude this probably won’t work cuz 6/7 homies will not notice.

Grab a bunch of yo strawberries ‘n cut the green off. With a pairing knife, hollow out the inside. Press some goat cheese in der ‘n slice into strips with a sharp knife. Now you got some next level strawberry shiz. Add them to the plate after you’ve tossed that salad otherwise they’ll fall apart.

Enjoy my homies ‘n hunnies,
Lambert

Street cred:
– So much respect due to Shelly Adams of the Fresh Tracks cafe at da hill. She’s got 3 cookbooks for sale. Check ’em out.
– Big ups TWO TIMEZ to Lions1 for da fly pimp tip.
– And finally gotta thank my homeboi E-flicka for ’em fresh photos! Dude is my neighbour – buzzin’ playa wit mad skillz ‘n not limited to da Canon.

how to make gravy – faceplant style

So I’ve been kickin’ it a bunch lately with the Nelson Brewery – more specifically their “Faceplant” organic winter ale. It’s a mighty fine brew ‘n every time I go grab a case, the cashier kindly lets me know I should use it to make stu.

But we ain’t makin’ no stu.
We climbin’ aboard the gravy train with this brew.

supafly brew = supafly gravy

For a good gravy you need some thick drippings homie. Luckily, my roommate Devo just grabbed a nice bird from Duggie Fresh! Decent lookin’ 9 lb chicken from a buddy – nice to know where yo meat comin’ from you know?

Anyways makin’ a roast is easy-peeze dude. We tossed this bird in a big roasting pan with tons of veggies: onions, garlic, potatos, yams, parsnips, carrots, kale ‘n broccoli (I think some raw BEETz made it in there, but that could’ve been da Bose kickin’ in da kitchen). Then hit up the pan wit tons of herbs ‘n spices ‘n salt ‘n pepper – and a full can of this Faceplant Winter Ale (yee, this is the brew that we be slurpin’ at the ski hill here in Nelson).

‘n then . . .

Here’s a DOPE trick for kickin’ yo roasts up a notch: grab a stick of butter ‘n grate that dairy goodness all over the place. Seriously dude, that ain’t cheese in da pic.

yeea – here in lambert’s kitchen, we grating butta all casual like

Yield: 2 or 3 cups gravy
Time: after the roast is made – 10 minutes
Suggested tunage: bumpin’ some Tribe

Ingredients:
– half an onion, diced small
– couples tablespoons of butter
– 3 Tbsp. flour
– all ’em Faceplant drippin’s
– salt ‘n pepper

1. To make a nice thick gravy start with the butter and onions in a frying pan. Saute up real nice over medium high heat. That be waftin’ propa!

2. Next add the flour ‘n stir it up. Get that flour nice ‘n incorporated like yeeeeea.

3. Add the drippings from the roast. We had ’nuff drippins here like maybe almost three cups. If you ain’t got that much you can cut it with some milk or more beer or something.

4. Bring it back up to a gentle boil ‘n it will start to thicken up smooth like.

5. Salt ‘n season it up to yo preference ‘n smother that shiz over everything dude.

SAUCIN’ IT UP.

Peace yo,
Lambert

Street cred:
– well I suppose the kind cashier at the liquor store gets some cred for this. Also my homeboy Devo for getting this bird and throwing the roast together – bomber yo.

Da Fuzion Files #1: some red thai chilli

Okay okay – I’ve been wanting to start this up for a while now – a special collection of some dank recipes called “Da Fuzion Files”. We talkin’ da straight nasty collisions between cultures, ethnicities ‘n all that good stuff.

Anyways, It’s been drizzlin’ ’nuff in the Nelly for the past while now. So today my homeboys ‘n I are like, yea we gots to make some chilli to warm our souls (always works dude). Anyways, we turned to Snoop for some inspiration ‘n things got a bit outta hand. This chilli ended up like a nice fly thai hunny married some dude from north carolina or something ‘n then when he was like “yo hows about we make some chilli tonight?”, the only thing she knew to do was slap da crockpot with some coconut milk, red curry paste ‘n a dash of fish sauce for good measure. What chu get? Boom. You get some fuzion shiz – red thai chilli.

lookin’ royal

Yield: not enough chilli (I gots to get a bigger pot)
Time: an hour minimum
Suggested tunage: bangin’ this Chromeo track while we was cookin’ today ‘n it felt goood

Ingredients:
– onion, chopped
– 3 G’d up cloves, minced
– pound of ground beef (or bison if you a true balla)
– 3 carrots, chopped
– bunch of kale, chopped
– broccoli crown, chopped
– 1 jalapeno, diced
– couple small red thai chilies if you got ’em, diced
– can of diced tomatoes
– can of tomato sauce
– can of red kidney beans
– couple green onions, chopped
– salt ‘n peppa, shoop’d
– chilli powder, fo shiz
– nutritional yeast flakes (gotta stay heathy, right?)
– can of coconut milk
– 2 or 3 Tbsp red curry paste
– nice dash of fish sauce
– a lime or two, juicin’

1. Grab yo big pot ‘n fry up the onions and garlic with the beef. Maybe toss in a bit of oil if you feelin’ dat.

2. Once the beef is lookin’ fresh, add all the other chopped veggies. Toss in any veggies you got kickin’ round (don’t put lettuce in tho, goof). Toss in some salt ‘n peppa ‘n giver a stir. Add chilli powder and other spices if you want.

3. Add the rest of the stuff. Add the fish sauce last to taste. Trust tho, the fish sauce is whats really gonna set it off.

4. Throw on some Beenie man ‘n let it sim-simma. Longer the better – at least an hour. Let it simmer all day if you gots the time.

That’s it that’s all. Enjoy dude.

Peace out,
Lambert a.k.a. da Fuzion chief!

Street cred:
– Big ups to my homeboy T.Y. a.k.a. Whiterice on this one. He was choppin’ up a storm ‘n helpin’ me throw this together.